I Suppose You Can Call This A Shitpost, or Best Bathrooms at Disneyland.
The wonder of being trapped in our homes for the 4,387th day in a row is that a tremendous amount of content has been published on the Internet by everyone. On every topic. Everywhere.
While you might think that the topic of “Best Bathrooms at Disneyland” is a niche, undiscovered bit of content waiting to be unleashed on the World Wide Web, a quick Google search with 611,000+ results will tell you otherwise. So, why then, should you read this article?
First off, you already started, and I’d hate to see you leave so soon. Let’s face it, the completionist in you is invested now. And really, what more do you have to do?
Methodology
Since you have no reason to trust me, a completely random Internet Stranger, I’ve gone out of my way to gather survey information in order to provide you with the certified opinions of a group of people I’d like to think of as some of the foremost, opinionated, but absolutely normal Disneyland fans in the world- a selection of the top minds from a Discord server associated with the r/Disneyland subreddit. These, clearly, are going to be the absolute experts. The people surveyed are all (or were) Annual Passholders, local to the Disneyland Resort, and have been to Disneyland more times in a single year than you have been your entire life. Yes, even you, Bob Chapek.
As no personally identifiable information or gender identity information was collected, I will have to make some inferences from the information gathered.
18 individuals participated in this survey, though I assure you that this is a large enough sample size, even though this statement is factually incorrect.
Top Bathroom at Disneyland:
Galaxy’s Edge
Restrooms in Disneyland’s newest land defeated the competition, securing a solid 50% of the “Top Bathroom” category. Features that earn the latest addition to the parks top marks include:
- Perfectly warm water
- Spacious design
- Radio Batuu
- Lack of Stinkiness
With comments like this, how could you not want to take a moment to visit a “refresher”, let biology do its handiwork, and wash your hands thoroughly for at least 20 seconds in these restrooms?
Second Best Bathroom at Disneyland:
Autopia
The category for second best bathroom was a neck-and-neck race, but Autopia managed to cross the finish line just ahead of the competition, despite one person rating it as being the worst due to the invading aroma of exhaust from our combustion powered knee-breakers nearby. Autopia took the cup in this category for:
- Low foot traffic and many available stalls
- Nobody comes over here anyway
Surprisingly, Galaxy’s Edge bathrooms were a close second, tied with a restroom that I will not name because it is delightful, secluded, often forgotten, and I don’t want to ruin it for my future self whenever we all get the hell out of this COVID thing.
Third Best Disneyland Bathroom
Alice in Wonderland / Fantasyland
I don’t want to be the one to have to break it to you, but the winner for Third Best is actually a lie. I could not, in good conscience, allow Galaxy’s Edge to win in two separate categories, so I’ve eliminated it (Sorry, Hondo) in favor of the runner up in the category.
A fan favorite, it wins points for:
- Theming and decoration
- Size and cleanliness
I can’t disagree. If there were ever a moment that the sudden need to use the restroom were in the cards after having a bit too much tea at a recent unbirthday party, I wouldn’t hesitate to smile at the Cheshire Cat on my way into this quiet, cool restroom.
The WORST Disneyland Bathroom
By and large, the clear winner in the category of absolute WORST Disneyland Bathroom was Adventureland. Based on the fact that people who identify as women frequently rate the Adventureland restrooms moderate to high on their list, and given that most of the anecdotal conversations regarding Disneyland Bathrooms that I’ve had with men frequently rate this restroom as the worst, I have to make the scientific assumption that the restroom rated as absolute shit is the men’s restroom in Adventureland.
Some delightful commentary from our survey takers include:
- Smells like ass and sewage
- Stinks
- Smells terrible
- You know why
- Crowded and smells awful
Safe to say, the size and odor of the men’s room is one adventure that intrepid visitors aren’t often willing to tackle.
Thanks.
No really, thank you to all that took the survey. I’m now armed with a couple of tidbits of “hidden gem” bathrooms that I can look forward to experiencing in the future beyond COVID-19. I don’t know what level of quarantine I’ve reached when I can say this honestly:
I can’t wait to go back to Disneyland and eliminate fecal matter in one of these beautiful restrooms.
